Audrey Has a Last Dance
by J. Watson
Summary: My first "Twin Peaks" story. Although I didn't get to watch all of "Twin Peaks: The Return," I was inspired to write a story about Audrey Horne. What went through her mind as she took over the dance floor?


It took her a while to register the emcee's words: "Audrey's Dance." She just took a long sip from her martini, and wondered if the alcohol was getting to her head. Well, at least she imagined that's how gin would taste. She learned a long time ago that nothing was what it seemed in this world. All eyes turned towards her, and Audrey wanted to shrink away from their gaze. But the music was so intoxicating…so enticing…so dreamy. Audrey's mind drifted back to her history class, and she was tempted to say "here" with air quotes.

* * *

Audrey strolled to the dance floor. After spending all that time with Charlie holed up in that antiquated room, she felt the least self-conscious being the center of attention. This place—whatever it was called—had a way of stripping away your desires, your appetites, and your humanity.

Unbeknownst to her, she had spent the last twenty-five years with Dale Cooper in the Black Lodge. Audrey figured that it had something to do with the vault explosion. She didn't know if she was dead or if something else happened to her.

Dale was surprised to see her. At first, he didn't know if Audrey was real. But she reminded him of their first encounter by placing his hand in hers.

"Feel my palm…how it's so flushed from all this excitement." Back then, warmth was still tangible.

"We need to get out of here, Audrey. There's somebody out there impersonating me. And he will do very bad things," said Dale.

"Is it the same person that killed Laura?" asked Audrey, as she hugged him.

"Yes," said Dale. "He's a maniac that will unleash something awful upon your town. I need to stop him before he harms Annie."

"Well, you're in luck, Agent Cooper. For as long as I'm here with you, you can count on me to be your Girl Friday" said Audrey, as she stood back and looked adoringly in Dale's eyes.

"I greatly appreciate your gusto, Audrey. Now let's find a way to get out of here."

Audrey giggled and placed her hands in Dale's. He blushed and looked away. _What I want and what I need are two different things, Audrey._

* * *

Audrey recalled that conversation as she swayed to the music. She marveled at how young and naïve she was. She thought she'd always be that girl. Smoking cigarettes in the girls' bathroom and panning algebra. Since fifth grade, Audrey was the sweet ingénue that could disarm any boy with a tilt of her head and a bite of her lower lip. Plus, Johnny's condition gained her sympathy points. She could wrap anyone around her finger until she reached her high school years. Suddenly, people started to have expectations and harping on Audrey for her girlishness.

Little did everyone know that Audrey was planning a future. Thanks to her father losing his marbles, he was now teaching Audrey the ropes about business. Sure, it wasn't the easiest situation working alongside her father given his many indiscretions. But Audrey now felt that she had a purpose. She might have a way of saving her mother and Johnny. Didn't they suffer long enough under the tyrannical rule of her father? Yet, Audrey had mixed feelings towards her mother. While her mother obviously was a victim, Audrey didn't know why she spent so long putting up with a man like her father. Shortly before the protest, Audrey came to her own realization. There were always going to be men like Ben Horne. And there would always be women like Sylvia Horne who would clean up after them. They would turn their faces whenever the bad things happened, and held onto the happy memories like ether.

* * *

Audrey let herself be bathed in the purple spotlight. She remembered being half sincere in her promise to Dale. Even though he was older, Audrey wondered how he could still be such a Boy Scout despite all the things he'd witnessed. After all, bad things happened in Twin Peaks and everywhere else. Sure, somebody was living as Dale out there in the real world. Maybe somebody was living as Audrey too. Didn't Audrey always have that streak of cynicism? A characteristic that bisected her very soul. She did tell John once that nobody truly knew her and, even now as she was dancing, Audrey still clung to that truth.

Even though this world had no mirrors, Audrey knew that time had passed. She had no way of quantifying it, but she knew. She noticed that her hands were becoming blotchy. Her bones and muscles ached and she was tempted to complain like her mother used to do. In the Black Lodge, for a time, Audrey assumed that she would remain the same forever. She could get whatever she wanted before. Why wouldn't she get the opportunity to spend eternity with the man that she loved?

* * *

She could spot in her peripheral vision the spectators tilting their heads to the rhythm.

Eventually, Dale and Audrey gave up hope and started passing the time. He eventually forgot about Annie and Audrey forgot about John. They shared their secrets. Like how she felt closer to her friend Donna than her own brother. How there was a day when Audrey looked at Donna and could've sworn that her father's eyes were staring back at her.

Dale started off with a minor one. His middle name was Bartholomew. Audrey laughed at the syllabic difference between his first and middle names. She insisted on calling him Billy from then on. It was a Freudian slip, as she was trying to say Jimmy. Dale reminded her of Jimmy Stewart—a nice guy trying to do the right thing but might lose it and try to jump off a bridge on Christmas Eve. She settled on Billy, and Dale didn't mind. Perhaps it was a way for them to interact as adults without the baggage of Twin Peaks. A children's song blossomed in her mind…"Billy and Audrey sitting in a tree/K-I-S-S-I-N-G…"

* * *

Audrey smiled as she sultrily maneuvered her hands over her face. It was like she held a secret that the audience didn't know about. Dale and Audrey eventually made love. The second time around was more sacred to Audrey. Even when she had her first time with John in his jet, Audrey imagined John was Cooper. She wanted to enter into womanhood so that Dale would see her in a different light. She wanted him to forget about that mannequin Annie. She forewarned Dale, didn't she?

" _Well let me tell you something, Agent Cooper; one of these days, before you know it, I'll be grown-up and on my own. And you just better watch out."_

In some way, Audrey felt like she was ravenously devouring a virginal Dale.

Audrey swayed her arms in the air as she continued dancing.

They were both surprised when Audrey was with child. This was a place in which you didn't have the need to eat or sleep. As Audrey's belly swelled, she wondered if she imagined being pregnant and it came true. She knew in her heart that it was a boy, and Cooper and she decided on the name Richard.

And then, Richard was gone just as soon as he arrived. Audrey felt the pangs of childbirth, and just as Cooper prepared for Richard's delivery, the baby vanished. Audrey was beside herself with grief. Where did her baby go? Cooper was sullen and standoffish. Audrey could see that the baby's disappearance changed him. She couldn't stand to see her knight in shining armor so despondent. So, she made a deal with Charlie. Let Cooper escape and she'll remain in his place.

* * *

As Audrey continued swaying, she remembered her last words to Cooper. He was sitting in a chair, and she kneelled on the floor before him. She folded her arms on his knees, and was looking up at him.

"I made a friend, Billy. And he's going to get you out of here," said Audrey.

"Don't you mean get _us_ out of here?" asked Dale, as he leaned closer to Audrey. "I can't leave you here in this place."

"You're going to have to," said Audrey. "Charlie is making arrangements to break you out as we speak."

"Who's Charlie, Audrey? You know you can't trust anybody here," said Dale.

"I know, Billy. But I'm desperate here. I might be setting myself up for something bad by relying on the kindness of spooks, but I don't see another way," said Audrey.

"We'll find another way," replied Dale. "And we'll leave together. You and I will be at the Double R Diner eating cherry pie before you know it."

"Billy, someone once told me that a trout's leap can cure a broken heart," said Audrey.

"I don't follow, Audrey," said Dale.

"It means you're going to have to be the trout and leap the hell out of here, that's what," said Audrey.

"Why are you torturing me like this Audrey?" asked Dale.

"Because the world out there needs you. The cavalry isn't coming, Billy. You get this one chance to be Federal Bureau of Investigation Special Agent Dale Cooper again. You catch the bastard that's been living as you out there. And then…you find our son."

Audrey grew tearful as she spoke the words. Dale wiped away Audrey's tears, and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'll come back for you," said Dale.

"You better. Or I'm going to tear myself out of here," said Audrey with a weak smile.

* * *

Audrey could feel her femininity returning.

During her time with Charlie, Audrey peeled away the layers until all that was left was her core. She was playing "wife" to Charlie, only that didn't come with the unsavory duties. Audrey just had to sit still like a porcelain doll in her conservative black dress. She felt herself becoming like her mother. Audrey could hear it in the icy tones that she directed at Charlie.

And yet, he still maintained the same conciliatory but condescending tone. It was Charlie that revealed the whereabouts of her son Richard. He was being raised by the doppelganger that lived as Dale Cooper. The saddest part was that Richard was more twisted than Audrey's own father. She asked how that could be given the loving union that Audrey shared with Dale. Charlie only offered vague answers.

"That's something only you can answer, Audrey. If you're confident about Agent Cooper's virtuousness, then who exactly was the bad seed?"

Other times, Charlie hinted at other alternatives that Audrey didn't care for. What if Agent Cooper wasn't really Richard's father? What if it was the evil impersonator that was claiming fatherhood? Nothing made sense to Audrey. She knew exactly who the man was that she spent eternity with in the Black Lodge. It was her Dale Cooper. Her Billy. And he was probably heartbroken to learn what became of their Richard.

Billy was the only name that Audrey could hold onto. She knew that the two syllables personified the man that was going to rescue her. Even Charlie was growing tired of hiding secrets from Audrey.

"What did she say?"

"Audrey we've been over this."

"Tell me!"

"Audrey. Stop it."

"I…I feel like I'm somewhere else. Have you ever had that feeling, Charlie?"

"No."

"Like I'm somewhere else and…and like I'm somebody else. Have you ever felt that?"

"No. I always feel like myself. And it may not always be the best feeling."

"Well, I'm not sure who I am, but I'm not me."

"This is Existentialism 101."

"Oh, fuck you! I'm serious! Who am I supposed to trust but myself? And I don't even know who I am!"

* * *

Audrey didn't want the song to stop. Not when she was growing closer to knowing who she is again. She wasn't the teenage girl anymore who played Nancy Drew to impress the FBI agent. She wasn't the poor little rich girl who played a secondary role to the "little girl who lived down the road." She wasn't the pretty girl playing call girl just to uncover the Big Bad Wolf that hid behind cedar walls and business suits. She wasn't even the coquette to John and Dale (why not call him by his real name now?).

And then, Audrey found herself in a white room staring at a mirror. It all occurred so fast. A fight broke out, and she begged Charlie for an escape.

"What is happening?" cried Audrey, as she studied her aged face in the mirror. After what she had been through, was she so shallow to think that crow's feet were worse than spending an eternity with an entity that always smelled like sauerkraut?

Audrey turned around and saw a hospital bed. She tried to process everything when a door opened out of the whiteness.

"The readings weren't faulty, Dr. Jennings. Ms. Horne is miraculously awake," said a woman dressed in a nurse's uniform into a headset.

 _Awake?_ thought Audrey. _Was I in a nightmare?_


End file.
